Written by: Catechist Branislav Ilić, Editor of the “Kinonia” Portal
On the eleventh Sunday after Holy Pentecost, at the Divine Liturgy we hear the Gospel reading (Matt. 18:23–35), which sets before us the importance of the virtue of forgiveness. The Lord concludes the parable of the two debtors with the words: “So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart” (Matt. 18:35). Our Lord Jesus Christ emphasizes the virtue of forgiveness in many places. In the Sermon on the Mount, addressing the gathered Jews, Christ says: “So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift” (Matt. 5:23–24). Likewise, in the Lord’s Prayer we say: “And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you; but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses” (Matt. 6:14–15). When the Apostle Peter asked: “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus answered: “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven” (Matt. 18:21–22). To forgive seven times already seems much—if someone were to step on our foot seven times in succession and each time say “forgive me,” it would seem like mockery. Yet the Lord lifts forgiveness to its highest measure, transforming it into all-forgiveness; that is, we must be ready to forgive without limit.
The Lord Jesus confirmed these holy words by His own example during His Passion on Golgotha. At the moment when He, nailed to the Cross between thieves, heard the jeers and mockery of those around Him, He prayed to His heavenly Father: “Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34). Thus acted the One who alone is without sin. The Lord commands us to forgive those who offend us. Elsewhere the sacred text of the Gospel reminds us: “If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him; and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times and says, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him” (Luke 17:3–4).
What does this teaching mean in practice? If someone offends us, let us try to pray the Lord’s Prayer, “Our Father,” and we will condemn ourselves—for we ask God to forgive us in the very manner in which we forgive those who offend us. The Lord accomplished the supreme act of forgiveness: He not only forgave those who sinned, but He was crucified for our sins upon the Cross. We, created in the image of God, receive this teaching of the Lord on forgiveness; therefore the Apostle Paul exhorts: “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you” (Eph. 4:32). The blessed Abba Dorotheus explains these truths in the following way: “You can, when your brother sins against you, have mercy on him and forgive him his fault, that you too may receive forgiveness from God; for it is written: forgive, and you will be forgiven (Luke 6:37). In this way you will show mercy to the soul of your brother, forgiving him in that which he has sinned against you, for God has given us the power, if we wish, to forgive one another the sins that occur among us.”
Bitterness is exceedingly dangerous. It prevents us from communicating with others, and our hardened heart also creates a barrier between us and God: “For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you; but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses” (Matt. 6:14–15).
Forgiveness as the Fulfillment of Love
Recently, we liturgically celebrated the commemoration of the translation of the relics of the holy Protomartyr and Archdeacon Stephen, the wondrous witness of Christ’s faith and love. Stephen, who was stoned to death, prayed until his final breath and died with a prayer for his murderers on his lips: “Lord, do not hold this sin against them” (Acts 7:60). According to the words of St. Theophan the Recluse: “Nothing is so powerful before the Lord as the forgiveness of offences, for it is the imitation of one of the most intimate actions of God’s mercy toward us. And we are never so easily tempted by anything as by anger and the desire for vengeance—whether through a reckless word, and often even through action.” Forgiveness is the simultaneous fulfillment of the two greatest commandments: love of God and love of neighbor. We cannot forgive others without love for God, without accepting His commandments. While a man’s heart is darkened by resentment, malice, or aggression, it is senseless to speak of union with the One who created him. Evil for evil only multiplies evil. Forgiveness halts the course of evil.
The crucial moment required for forgiveness is expressed in the great patristic formula: “Hate the sin, but love the sinner.” This means that we must not identify the person with the sinful deeds he has committed. Sin is not part of human nature; it enters the soul from without. The sinner is a sick and weak human being, and therefore worthy of compassion, not condemnation and reproach. When we pray for those who offend us, we show compassion and empathy towards them. We do not see in them an embodiment of evil, but human beings suffering from their sins. Prayer for offenders is an act of magnanimity; cursing them is a sign of a weak soul. The Lives of the Saints testify to this truth: the first Christians went to death and torture, yet understood that their persecutors were only instruments in the hands of the powers of evil. They hated sin, but forgave the sinner. Forgiveness of offence and the preservation of a pure heart towards others is a specific duty of every Christian. It is indeed difficult to forgive, but life in a state of unforgiveness is even harder. By forgiving, a person does not allow hatred and anger towards his neighbour to take root in his heart and soul, and he liberates himself from the vice called resentment.
As long as one clings to an idealized image of the self, it is difficult for him to forgive or to seek forgiveness. To learn how to forgive, we must be freed from the sense of our own righteousness. We ourselves are weak and sinful people. St. John of Kronstadt teaches with these words: “We are often embittered by direct and straightforward people because they directly expose our falsehoods. We must value such people and forgive them if, by their bold words, they pierce our pride. They are physicians, in the moral sense, who with sharp words cut into the rottenness of the heart, and by stirring our pride awaken in the soul—dulled by sin—the awareness of sin and a vital reaction.” It is crucial, in every quarrel or conflict, to see and acknowledge our own portion of the blame for what has happened, however difficult that may be. Even if outwardly we did not injure our neighbour in any way, we nevertheless did not do everything we could to prevent the incident. Resentment in our souls arises precisely from our pride; we love ourselves too much and refuse to see our own fault and accept responsibility for what has occurred. If we objectively evaluate our share of guilt in a conflict, it will be far easier to forgive the other person, to understand the situation, and to reconcile with him. Forgiveness means that the person who has truly forgiven no longer harbours a desire for revenge, anger, or resentment against the one who wronged him; in practical terms, this means: to forgive and to forget.
We often hear the question: How can we forgive everyone for everything? We can forget the wrongs of others only if we become conscious in our hearts of how much greater our own debt is before God. Only then shall we understand that we are bound to forgive. We must forgive, because we ourselves are debtors, and our debt is great and unpayable. To God we owe far more, and with Him we shall never be able to settle accounts. If we speak of money, it is but an inanimate thing—money comes and goes, and it can be earned again. Yet it is dreadful and fearful to speak of lost honour—for it cannot be restored; of shed blood—for life cannot be brought back; of a ruined destiny—for it cannot be repaired. These are our debts.
A noteworthy and instructive story is told about Patriarch John the Merciful of Alexandria. He once attempted to reconcile two men who were at enmity, but they refused to be reconciled. One of them, the instigator of the quarrel, was particularly fiery and would neither ask for forgiveness nor extend it, refusing all reconciliation. The Patriarch brought this nobleman with him to the Liturgy. Present were the Patriarch, the chanter, and this man. When the time came to chant the Our Father, the Patriarch turned to him and said: “You, recite it!” So he began to pray the Lord’s Prayer before the royal doors. When he came to the words: “forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors,” the Patriarch stopped him and asked: “Are you not afraid to utter these words now?” And at that moment the nobleman understood that lies must never be spoken—least of all in prayer—for if one lies in prayer, then prayer itself is transformed into a curse upon oneself.
Love and Forgiveness: The Two Fundamental Powers of the Soul
The two fundamental powers of our soul are love and forgiveness, and these are the clearest proof that our nature belongs more to a spiritual order than to the natural order. In nature, everything wars against everything else and seeks to enrich its own table with the blood of another. Love and forgiveness render a person not only above nature but also grant him the greatest joys that this world, as it is, can offer. Through forgiveness, everything becomes close to a man, above all God and the divine world around us, for in patient endurance we descend to the very source of our strength, which grants us the ability to withstand all things and to endure all things. Forgiveness is an act of faith. In forgiving another, we entrust justice into the hands of God. In forgiving, we relinquish our own right to exact vengeance upon our neighbour, thereby leaving all questions of justice to the will of the Lord. We leave that “scale of justice” in God’s hands, upon which justice and mercy are brought into balance.
We crown our reflection on forgiveness with a reminder that the Russian writer, poet, novelist, and translator Boris Pasternak, in his collection of poetry, published a poem entitled “Learn to Forgive”, in which we read:
“Learn to forgive. Pray for those who offend you, overcome evil with rays of goodness, join without hesitation those who forgive while the star of Golgotha still burns. Learn to forgive when your soul is wounded and your heart resembles a cup filled with bitter tears and sorrow. When it seems to you that all goodness is exhausted, remember how Christ forgave while suffering grievously upon the Cross. Learn to forgive—not only with words, but with your whole soul and your very being—for only love has the power of forgiveness, born in the night-watch of prayer. Learn to forgive. In forgiveness hidden joy is found; magnanimity heals like a remedy—a drink or a balm. Blood was shed upon the Cross for all. Learn to forgive, that you yourself may receive forgiveness.”